Stories of rotten romance

Posted by admin on January 15th, 2008 filed in Lifestyling, Thai habits, girls

One obvious characteristic of modern Thailand is the many Western man – Thai lady relationships. Many turn out real well but others make excellent bar-room gossip. Over the years I’ve collected some unbelievable tales, from first hand accounts, web blogs and forums even a book full of true accounts that read like fiction.

 

With thousands of punters getting of the plane every day and infinitely more girls looking for a husband, lover or breadwinner to latch onto, it’s not surprising that Thailand dishes up all sorts of intriguing, often comical and sometimes sad stories of misplaced expectations, and misunderstandings – cultural or otherwise. Mostly it involves money and sex. The girls are generally after money, the men are after sex, both usually value companionship as a secondary objective. Both parties have the ability to be sweet and generous, both can end up being monsters. This is the central thread of all the tales I’ve heard. There are many good stories of loving couples, in this blog I’ll recall some of the disasters I’ve heard. 

 

Take for example Air (a common bar girl name) who was working in a massage shop in Pattaya. She was from Isarn and had come here looking for work but wouldn’t be seen dead in a go go bar. She wasn’t bad looking, a bit young, but enjoyed the sisterly atmosphere of the massage shop and it’s fun owner who had been married to an Australian for 20 years. One evening Air got quite friendly with a handsome customer who invited her out afterwards. She turned up the next morning at work furious. The man had invited her back to his hotel later, they had had sex and in the morning she had expected to be ‘paid’, but he refused. He thought she was simply interested in having a shag, she thought he was propositioning her for paid sex. Nothing was discussed at the time. She was not a prostitute but could do with the money. Her expectation was that foreigners always gave you something for sex. Massage in Pattaya. 

 

For most Thai girls who come into regular contact with visiting foreigners (the working class girls) they are looking for financial security or reward. Either they are paid for offering their bodies, or you take care of them permanently as a girlfriend. There is nothing casual, they are tired of sweet talkers, sex is something you offer your partner who ‘keeps you’. Anything less is considered selling yourself short.

 

Another great story, from the widely available and entertaining/enlightening book Love, $ex and Money, follows the developments of a humble German guy in Phuket who was doing his best to work and support him and his former bar girl (friend). He sent her to English lessons and earned a modest salary that barely covered her desires. She grew restless, then suddenly showed an interest in learning German, which he was pleased about. After awhile she asked him to help one of her bargirl friends translated letters in German from a lover. He did, and was amazed at the relationship these two had and the romanticism of the writer. Every now and then she would need to ‘visit’ her family and dissappear for a few weeks. One day she simply never returned. Months later he received a spite-filled letter (by the end they had been arguing a lot – usually over the amount of her ‘stipend’). In it she said she was in Germany and pregnant with a lover’s baby. He was astonished and hurt. Later he noticed the postmark on the envelope was the same as the letters he had been translating for her!

 

So, some girls – many in the bars – are from poor breeding, in a area of the country that is desperately poor and its people learn to get ahead by whatever means they can, no matter how unethical or immoral. That’s life among the poor. Many foreigners have no idea just how poor the backgrounds of some of these girls are, it’s a total mismatch (except in bed) and they can’t seem to understand the ‘financial osmosis’ of it all. Bar girls of Pattaya. 

 

Another guy I recently met in a bar had gone home with a girl, and went back for more. He lived here and started seeing her regularly. Each time he paid her 500 baht – a modest fee seeing as he usually visited her in the afternoon when she wasn’t out trying to ‘find customers’. He said sometimes he didn’t pay her, and she didn’t ask, but always ended up paying for it in expensive lunches, bottles of beer or whatever she could subtly suggest as payment. Soon she took him shopping and he was duped into buying her a sexy outfit that cost about $50. He commented on how expensive this skimpy garment was (by Thailand standards) and that she’d be better off using the money for other things, but she had to have it (it was also about twice the price she had quoted when she asked him to buy it shortly after one love making session).

 

He said he figured that it was worth at least three free shags. She understood the score, and several times he came around, ‘used her’ and left without any money changing hands. One night he says he was bored and found her in her usual bar quite late. She had no customers, it was slow and she wanted to go to the disco, so he paid the bar fine (cheaper than usual because she forfeited her portion) and they went back to her place first, but he wasn’t interested in the disco and they ended up shagging. When he left she wasn’t too pleased. The next day she called him, she said she expected to be paid. He explained that he was usually generous to her and would take her shopping, but she was skint and couldn’t meet the rent and demanded 1000 baht. He said he was fed up with this, went round to reason with her and had only 700 baht on him. She demanded a thousand. he repeated her word-for-word, ‘You F*&K me, you must pay’. Up until then, he said they had been affectionate and friendly and trusting but she felt she had been used and that was the end of it.

 

There are endless cultural misunderstandings that expose the mismatch in class and money. Another European mentioned his story on a forum. He had married an Isarn lady who was past her prime (more his age) and bought a house in her name in Pattaya. He hadn’t known her very long, soon she moved her extended family in from Isarn, and they sat around on the floor eating somtam all day and singing karaoke, as if ‘she’d just won the lottery’. One day he’d had enough but could do nothing to get them out. The house was, afterall, owned by her. Finally he abandoned it and moved on, the last straw he said, was finding footprints on the toilet seat (the ladies being unaccustomed to a seated toilet!). 

 

A neighbour I once had was an unattractive overweight guy, never before married who took early retirement and was contented with his small bungalow, daily pizza delivery, and endless cheap DVDs. He wasn’t too smart and was surviving on a modest pension. He’d married a muslim Thai lady (about his age) who had been a cleaner in the hotel he had lived in in Bangkok. She barely spoke English, he barely spoke Thai. She wasn’t much of a cook, sat around all day. He suggested buying a pile of second hand clothes to give away to poor hilltribes but she ended up profiteering by selling them. He bought a car for them to explore Thailand together, but she hi-jacked that by getting him to drive to the countryside, and fill it up with vegetables to sell at her local market for a profit. She got tired of Chiang Mai and frequently left to return to her family home and children in Bangkok. He hated Bangkok. They argued a lot about it and he wanted to split, but she would disappear and return often with ‘ I miss you darling’ – usually when her allowances ran out early. Eventually he told her he wanted to split, but the car was in her name and she insisted on keeping it (after being married about 6 months). He ended up moving house to avoid her, but somehow she showed up, seduced him and then, in the morning was gone – with the truck. She couldn’t really drive properly, he got a distressed call from her saying she had accidentally ditched it in a canal in Ayuthaya! Twice more she came back, they kissed and made up, on the second occasion she took off again with his TV and credit card. He’s never seen her since. 

 

You may sympathise with all these ‘men taken for a ride’ but the ladies have their side of the story to tell, probably recounted to all their friends back home who view all foreigners as stingy. It’s all down to differing expectations. 

 

One more last example. Years ago when I first came to Thailand I met a girl in a disco in Bangkok that is favoured by ‘freelancers’. She was nothing special, hardly spoke English but seemed less ‘in your face’ than lots of the working girls. She wanted to come home with me, we agreed on some money, and off we went. The next day she said ‘liked me’ and would I come back and spend the rest of the weekend at her apartment. An open invitation? I was flattered, so off I went. It was quite an eye opener to be taken into a wholly Thai high-rise suburb. She had a ‘sister’ (cousin) hanging around, who was temporarily sharing the flat and I wasn’t pleased to discover she was to sleep on the floor while we had the bed. We ended up making love in the bathroom for privacy. During the day I (in my naivity) soon grew tired of paying for all the meals and other things we ‘three’ were doing together. It was working out quite expensive, something I hadn’t budgeted for in my modest state then, but ultimately I was paying the going rate for every shag. During the course of the day I was introduced to several ‘friends’ who all lived in the same apartment block (quite a new one with swimming pool), one even had a live-in French boyfriend whose lifestyle wasn’t any better than his previous one in a St Denis working class Parisian suburb! On the third evening we went into the city to a restaurant, they began ordering food and she got on the phone several times. Within 15 minutes the ‘friends’ began showing up – 10 in all, and I realised as much food had been ordered. When all the eating and enjoyment and whiskey drinking was done, and before I could think of doing a runner, the bill miraculously appeared and was discreetly presented to me for payment – about 1000 baht! Well, the cost of a meal for 1 in a London restaurant, while I’d filled the bellies of about a dozen bar girls who were now off to work. Pretty good value I’d say, having the company of 9 attractive ladies for dinner.

 

Bangkok bars guide and girlies